Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Reality Laws

 THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY 

&
 Law of Mechanical Repair 
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


&
 Law of Gravity 
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


&
 Law of Probability 
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


&
 Law of Random Numbers 
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.


&
 Law of the Alibi 
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
 

&
 Variation Law 
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


&
Law of the Bath 
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


&
 Law of Close Encounters 
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


&
 Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

&
 Law of Biomechanics 
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


&
 Law of the Theater 
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


&
 The Starbucks Law 
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


&
  Murphy's Law of Lockers 
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

&
 Law of Physical Surfaces 
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

&
 Law of Logical Argument 
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

&
 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance 
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

&
 Oliver's Law of Public Speaking 
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

&  Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy 
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

&
 Doctors' Law 
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Enjoying your job?

Guess What This Is?
Answer at the end.....













It's a new Prison in UK !

Prison vs Work 
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer. 

  
 

@ PRISON

@ WORK

You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell


@ PRISON

you spend the majority of your time 
In an 6X6 cubicle /office
 


@ WORK

You get three meals a day fully paid for 


@ PRISON

you get a break for one meal and 
You have to pay for it 


@ WORK

You get time off for good behavior

you get more work for 
Good behavior

@ PRISON 
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you 


@ PRISON

@ WORK 
You must often carry a security card 
And open all the doors for yourself 


@ WORK

You can watch TV and play games 


@ PRISON

you could get fired for watching 
TV and playing games 


@ WORK

You get your own toilet 


@ PRISON

you have to share the toilet with 
Some people who pee on the seat 


@ WORK

They allow your family and friends to visit 

@ PRISON

you aren't even supposed to speak
To your family 


@ WORK

All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required 


@ PRISON

you get to pay all your expenses to go 
To work, and they deduct tax es from 
Your salary to pay for prisoners 


@ WORK

You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out

you spend most of your time wanting 
To get out and go inside bars


@ PRISON
 
You must deal with sadistic wardens


@ WORK
 
They are called managers


William Tell never had it so good

Shoot the apple off the dude's head.

Click and hold to draw the bow back.  Let off the button to release the arrow.  Use your mouse to control the angle.  Not penalized for shooting over the dude, but the results are... well, they're a killer if you shoot low.  For that matter, try shooting low a few times.

Awesome game..........

Click here to open the file.

If you do not have a spreadsheet program installed on your computer such as MS Excel, visit OpenOffice for a free one!