911 Can Help You Do Your Homework - Watch a funny movie here
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Kids Say the Darndest Things
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe? '
6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole And made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my Time,' She said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
Hot Chocolate
Hot Chocolate
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Monday, April 27, 2009
Look-a-Likes
Look-a-Likes
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Sunday, April 26, 2009
Best Pictures
Best Pictures
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Best Redneck Collection Ever
Best Redneck Collection Ever
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Saturday, April 25, 2009
You might be a redneck
You might be a redneck
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Thoughts to Ponder
Thoughts to Ponder
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When Cooks Are Bored
When Cooks Are Bored
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Friday, April 24, 2009
Swimming White Tiger
Swimming White Tiger
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Budget Cuts
Budget Cuts
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New Dress Code
EFFECTIVE January 1, 2009
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
3D Chalk Drawings by Julian Beever
3D Chalk Drawings by Julian Beever
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Monday, April 20, 2009
He sure did wrinkle that car WOW!
How would you like to be the insurance adjuster on this one.
Audi RS6
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Audi RS6
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Sunday, April 19, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Can You See It?
BOY THIS IS TRULY NATURE'S CAMOUFLAGE.
Look for the mtn. Lion. It's there.
Picture was taken just east of North street and above Mountain road in North Ogden , UT. The Picture was taken on March 1st 2008 by John Jones who lives just west of Mountain road.
Look for the mtn. Lion. It's there.
Picture was taken just east of North street and above Mountain road in North Ogden , UT. The Picture was taken on March 1st 2008 by John Jones who lives just west of Mountain road.
Susan Boyle
The embeding code for this video has been disabled but the link will work just the same. Enjoy!
Friday, April 17, 2009
USS New York
USS New York
It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel
from the World Trade Center .
It is the fifth in a new class of warship -
designed for missions th at include
special operations against terrorists.
It will carry a crew of 360 sailors
and 700 combat-ready Marines to
be delivered ashore by
helicopters and assault craft.
Steel from the World Trade Center was melted
down in a foundry in Amite , LA to
cast the ship's bow section. When
it was poured into the molds on
Sept 9, 2003, 'those big rough
steelworkers treated it with
total reverence,' recalled
Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing,
who was there. 'It was a spiritual
moment for everybody there.'
Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager,
said that when the trade center steel
first arrived, he touched it with his
hand and the 'hair on my neck
stood up.' 'It had a big meaning
to it for all of us,' he said.
'They knocked us down.
They can't keep us down.
We're going to be back.'
The ship's motto? 'Never Forget'
Please keep this going so everyone
can see what we are made
of in this country!
need a good laugh?
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know
if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and say s, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, ' No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the firs t to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know
if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and say s, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, ' No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the firs t to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Where do old telephones go?
Every one of these sheep is made from telephones and cords. Check out their feet!!!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Family of Seventeen children
This man and his wife both sell real estate for a living. Altho, I doubt she sells much as she also homeschools all the kids!! What a job. Notice how neat their house is kept. The folks on the Today Show said that when this family left their green room(the place they go before they are on the show) it was cleaner than it was when they came. Shows it can be done with organization and I'm sure they have lots of that with a family that big. They also built their own home.
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